The Pain of a Broken World
by sahie83
Summary: This fic was inspired by the song “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt. I used to listen to it and cry over a guy who dumped me. As I listened to it tonight, I couldn’t help but ponder how a girl would feel if they were dumped by Sirius Black...


A/N: This fic was inspired by the song "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. I used to listen to it and cry over a guy who dumped me. As I listened to it tonight, I couldn't help but ponder how a girl would feel if they were dumped by Sirius Black...

* * *

**Chapter 1 - When The World Comes Crashing Down**

Eleri Cervantes sighed and leaned her aching head against the cool pane of glass that was blocking her from the teaming rain outside. The sky was grey and so was Eleri's mood. She was feeling odd, restless, as though something was wrong. She didn't think that anything should be wrong, but there was still this feeling that she had. A sense of foreboding suddenly overwhelmed her, something was going to go wrong, she didn't know what or to who but she knew someone was going to get hurt. Eleri hated these times, growing up in southern Wales her family had always joked that she was fae, with these "premonitions" that she got. They weren't the sort of premonitions where she saw what would happen in the future, yet she could always tell when things were stirring.

She moved away from the window of her dorm room at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and prepared herself for the day. Eleri's friends had headed down to breakfast without her after she had asked for a minute to herself. Trying to shake off the odd feeling of nervousness that was engulfing her, Eleri made her way down to the Great Hall and looked around as she arrived, soon catching sight of the person she was looking for. She sat down next to an extremely handsome boy, leaning over to give him a quick kiss.

Sirius Black smiled at his girlfriend, but only briefly. He turned back to continue a conversation about Quidditch with his best friend, James Potter. Eleri was confused for a moment by this treatment. She had been dating Sirius was over five months now, prior to his relationship with Eleri he had been notorious for being a lothario. Moving from one girl to the next with little to no care, but that had changed with Eleri. It seemed that he had finally decided to settle down, something that people did not let either of them forget. They were constantly teasing Eleri about being the "girl who tamed Sirius Black!" and telling Sirius that he was "whipped," something that he laughed off with ease, but which bugged Eleri to no end.

At first it was difficult dating Sirius and at one point she had her doubts that they would last a week, let alone months. She was aware of his reputation and had been convinced in herself that he was going to dump her for someone else and then there was the constant teasing, not to mention the torment she had received from other girls in the school. Aside from all of that, her best friends and fellow Ravenclaw seventh years, Ariana Nacar and Sahara Thorne, had constantly been warning her off Sirius. They didn't give that up until about a month into the relationship when they began to see that perhaps Sirius was sincere in his feelings about Eleri. After awhile, it had all died down and Eleri was beginning to think that perhaps she and Sirius might actually last past their graduation of school and into the real world. In recent weeks she had become certain that she was desperately in love with her boyfriend, though she hadn't voiced this to anyone, she wanted him to say it first because a small part of her feared driving him away if she moved too soon.

"Elle!" Sahara could be heard calling from the Ravenclaw table.

Wrinkling her nose at being called away from her boyfriend, she gave him a kiss on the cheek and started to walk away when her arm was grabbed by Sirius. He spun her around and pulled her hard to him, his mouth slanted over hers and he kissed her passionately and fiercely before letting her go.

"So you don't forget me." Sirius said cryptically and winked at her.

Eleri blinked and, lost for words, she wandered over to her stunned friends feeling dazed and confused and with innumerable pairs of eyes around the Great Hall staring at her.

"What in the blazes was that about?" Ariana quizzed as Eleri tried to shrink as low in her seat as was physically possible.

"I...have no idea. I'm not going to pretend that being kissed by Sirius like that isn't pleasurable, but I just kind of...wish he didn't feel the need to be so public about it." Eleri's whole face was glowing beet red.

"Well I must say, it even made me a little hot under the collar, just watching you two!" Sahara announced unashamedly.

"What class do we have first today?" Eleri queried in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

"Double History of Magic, with Binns." Ariana replied, deciding to cut her friend a break.

"TGIF." Sahara said sombrely.

They finished breakfast and headed to their class, joking around and avoiding Peeves the Poltergeist who was attempting to throw a suit of armour over one of the stair cases. The suit of armour, however, was putting up a good fight and this was lucky for the girls as they 

were able to slip past the scuffle unnoticed. Taking their seats, Eleri took out her notebook and as soon as Professor Binns started droning on about giants wars, she slipped into a daze. Unfortunately as soon as she was no longer focusing on anything, her feeling of unrest settled over her again. She found herself pondering the kiss at breakfast and the meaning behind Sirius's vague comment.

They left the class two hours later feeling as though they were only just waking up and with Sahara proclaiming loudly that two hours with Binns was inhuman and wondering how they could expect anyone to remember anything from a class where the teacher has the innate ability to bore his students to death. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, Eleri didn't see Sirius again because for some reason neither he nor James showed up for dinner that night, although their close friends Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were both there. Eleri was on the point of going over to them to ask where Sirius was when she abandoned the idea. They were deep in discussion and she was tired anyway, drained from the nervousness she still felt and couldn't stop herself feeling.

That night, Eleri slept fitfully. She was plagued by disturbing dreams, nothing in particular happened in these dreams but it was as though the ever present feeling of apprehension which had pressured her all day had invaded her dreams as well.

"You look like hell" Sahara stated when she came over to wake Eleri up for breakfast on Saturday morning.

"Wow, thanks for sugar coating it, you know, for not making me feel worse than I already do, I really appreciate it!" Eleri's voice was oozing sarcasm and Sahara laughed.

"Not a problem, I aim to please!"

They got themselves ready and headed downstairs for breakfast.

"Oh look, the sun's come out to play!" Ariana exclaimed as they entered the Great Hall.

"Shall we go for a walk around the lake after we eat, then?" Eleri asked "It's not often we get to see the sun in November."

"Why not." Sahara agreed "Nothing better to do."

"Oh, you mean, like...homework or something?" Ariana questioned "You know, McGonagall's Transfiguration essay perhaps?"

"Yeah, like I said, 'nothing better to do.'" Sahara poked her tongue out at Ariana and ran ahead of them to get a seat at the Ravenclaw table.

They ate their lunch and headed outside for their chance to spend some time in the sunshine, which had obviously been a popular idea. As they walked down to the lake, they 

saw numerous other students had decided to do the same thing. Finding themselves a nice shady spot, they sat down and looked around.

"Hey Elle," Sahara smirked, "Lover Boy's on his way."

The girls all looked up to see Sirius striding towards them, his three friends in his wake.

"Elle," he said, not bothering to say hello or acknowledge her friends, "we need to talk."

Silently she followed him as fear gripped Eleri from the inside out. It wasn't only the fact that she had just heard the worst phrase in the English language, a phrase that had probably never been followed by a pleasant chat and certainly never by proclamations of love. No, it was the fact that a voice inside her was triumphing over everything else with a very loud, "I TOLD YOU SO!" and Eleri knew, she just knew, that this was it. This was the thing that she had predicted yesterday morning. Suddenly she felt inexplicably sick and when Sirius stopped walking and faced her, she was positive that she was right.

"Look Elle," Sirius started, gazing intently at her, "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

He said it bluntly and Eleri felt the blow as though he had hit her. She was on the verge of tears and yet determined not to cry in front of him.

"Ca-can I ask why?" she asked, breaking eye contact and staring out over the lake, trying to keep herself in control.

"Sure, see I'm just not that into relationships, Elle. I like to play the field, you know me." He shrugged, not looking at all apologetic for what he was doing to her.

"I thought I did." She snapped at him, her fragile control on the verge of breaking as her world came crashing down around her, "but I guess I was vastly mistaken."

"I don't think you're being fair, Elle, look I gave this whole relationship thing a go and it's not really working out for me, so I'm ending it. It's really not that hard to understand, I don't..."

But Sirius didn't get the rest of his sentence out, Eleri raised her right hand and slapped him hard across the face.

Eleri turned to walk away and saw that they had gained the attention of almost everybody at the lake. She ran. Past the lake. Past her friends. On into the Forbidden Forest. Even in her current emotional state, she knew better than to go very far in. She slumped against a tree and thought over what had just happened. Eleri was overwhelmed with embarrassment and anger, remembering Sirius kissing her at breakfast yesterday and wondering what people would be saying about her. How stupid she had been. How utterly and completely foolish of her to think that he could have changed. What was it they said about leopards changing spots?

She sat there for over an hour, tears falling hard and fast while she derided herself for her idiocy. Each time she started to get herself together, she would be reminded of what a fool she was and start crying again. It was a long time before she could calm down enough to head back to her dormitory for a shower. Eleri felt weak and drained, she hoped not to see anyone on her way to Ravenclaw tower, but knew that it was in vain. People were still at the lake and they whispered as she walked past, she felt hollow inside, knew they were talking about how stupid she was. "Can you imagine her thinking he'd actually want to be with her!" she could bet that was what they were saying, or worse "I can't believe he stayed with HER as long as he did, why would he?" Tears started falling down her face again as she ran these thoughts through her head, all the horrible things she just knew people were thinking and after all, they were right, weren't they. She should've known she'd never keep Sirius.

By the time Eleri reached her dormitory she was shaking and her friends jumped up from their beds where they had sat waiting for her to return and ran over to her to give her a hug. She stood still and let them hug her, but couldn't find the energy to hug them back.

"He's an arrogant git, Elle, not even worth your time." Sahara announced when Eleri didn't say anything.

"He doesn't deserve you!" Ariana chipped in, looking concerned.

"You don't understand!" Eleri yelled, "you don't get it, no one does! I'm an idiot!"

"You're not an idiot." Ariana responded quickly.

"Yes I am, I am an idiot, a complete and utter fool. I loved him, Ari, I LOVED him, I don't know when I fell in love, but I did and I thought he felt the same because I'm so stupid that I thought he could actually love me back." Eleri threw herself onto her bed and dissolved into miserable sobs, her face in her pillow. Sahara came over and sat next to her.

"I'm so sorry, honey, we had no idea." She shot a look at Ariana, silently asking for help.

"That doesn't make you a fool, Elle, that makes him one. He has no idea of what he's turning away from. If anybody is an idiot here, it's Sirius, not you." Ariana fumed.

"I just feel like crap." Sobbed Eleri, "I feel like someone's reached into my chest and is squeezing my heart, it hurts so bad." She rolled over onto her back and they saw the misery etched into her face.

"It will hurt." Ariana said to her, "and then after awhile it will stop. It won't feel like this forever."

"Th-thanks guys." Eleri dissolved into sobs again and there was an awkward silence because Sahara and Ariana didn't know what to say. They desperately wanted to tell Eleri that she was worthwhile and that Sirius didn't deserve her, but knew that she wouldn't believe them right now.

"Would you guys mind if I was just on my own for a bit?" Eleri requested. "I'm not really very good company at the moment."

Ariana and Sahara reluctantly left their heartbroken friend behind and as they closed the dormitory door, they heard a wounded cry from the room behind them as Eleri once again broke into tears.

* * *

A/N: Please read and review. Like I said, I was inspired to write this fic by the song "Goodbye My Lover". I originally intended to do it as a oneshot fic, with the possibility of maybe writing sort of a prequel, like how they got to this spot, but as I wrote it I debated with myself whether I should write more chapters after this about how Eleri goes on from here and what happens. Any comment will be greatly appreciated.


End file.
